Why do I feel exponentially more anxious when I do the "right thing" and reach out to people I trust about my currently concerning state of mind? Literally, every therapist I've seen, book I've read, and website I've explored has said the same damn thing. And yet, I feel more anxious. Anxious that the wrong person will find out, anxious that I'll be judged again, anxious that I'll be pressured into doing something I will regret or am hesitant about, anxious that I'll be told what I'm doing to keep myself alive is harming me. Don't I already have enough to be anxious about as it is? 

There are week's like this one when I think it would be easier if I just decided I was done. Which is about where I am right now. Why bother when the last twelve years have been spent experiencing the same event over and over, and the next twelve years don't sound much more promising?