You Can't Fight a Ghost.

Group therapy officially starts Wednesday evening. I couldn't be more nervous. I eagerly anticipate the impending panic attacks for the next few weeks. 

Vertigo

I don't know if my body is plotting against me again or if the stress is just getting to me more than usual. Had a wonderful weekend with Connor until waking up Sunday morning. I woke up with overwhelming vertigo. Could hardly walk from the bed to the chair without falling down. It has taken till now, 4pm, to get better. Though, I'm still a little foggy. I truly hope this was just a fluke occurrence because I have to teach tomorrow and Dr. Shannon is coming to observe; I need to be on the top of my game. I need to find a way to de-stress so that this doesn't happen again. 

I've been doing really well for the last few months, but for the last week it's been really hard to resist. I don't really want to go through the tediousness of hiding it all again though. So I guess I won't.

Truth.

I am going to make it through this year if it kills me

And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here
Someday burns down
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away
And I never come back to this town again in my life

I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow
I hope it bleeds all day long
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises
We're pretty sure they're all wrong

I hope it stays dark forever
I hope the worst isn't over
And I hope you blink before I do
And I hope I never get sober

I am drowning
There is no sign of land
You are coming down with me
Hand in unlovable hand