...is the sound my anxiety makes.
And it has been the perpetual soundtrack to the last two weeks.
One would think that I would learn; semester after semester, I overload myself with far too many responsibilities. Some are out of necessity, some are voluntary. This semester is no different. I actually think this semester is a bit worse than usual. I've started online counseling through RAINN and it really just takes it out of me. I understand that they're just trying to help, but reliving that crap bit by bit is just inimical. How is this supposed to help me? Most nights it ends in minor to moderate panic attacks, which means no sleep the rest of the night. This doesn't bode well for a 5:30 am wake-up time to drive to CD East and be an alert, responsible, pre-student teacher.
On top of that joy, I've been attempting to stay afloat in my five classes, pre-student teaching, and work. My chem professor is frustrating the crap out of me, methods is challenging, math is not my subject, Faulkner is....well....Faulkner, and I have stupid classmates in conservation.Pre-student teaching is really fun; this is definitely the profession that I want to be in, but the constant driving back and forth is really killing me...and my bank account. Stupid gas.
There are many times that I wish I could have the lives of some of my classmates...have my parents pay for all of my college, bills, housing, hell even gas (forrrrreals...this is the status of a friend of mine who claims he is "too stressed" and/or "too tired" to do things like attend class/meetings. This is the shit that makes my anxiety go, "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh"). But, I know that if my life were like that, I wouldn't be me. I think that my situation has made me more independent and self-sufficient than what I could have been. And while I didn't/don't care for the crappier parts of my life, I still appreciate that they are what they are.
I think it's just the overwhelming combination of all of this. Throw in the TFA interview, prepping for Las Vegas, trying to pay off my surgery, and life in general (normal bills, boyfriend, social life?) and you have the perfect recipe for a mental catastrophe. I see that it's now 10:30....I should really get started on these papers I need to grade for Monday.
Public Safety Announcement: Remember to BREATHE
And it has been the perpetual soundtrack to the last two weeks.
One would think that I would learn; semester after semester, I overload myself with far too many responsibilities. Some are out of necessity, some are voluntary. This semester is no different. I actually think this semester is a bit worse than usual. I've started online counseling through RAINN and it really just takes it out of me. I understand that they're just trying to help, but reliving that crap bit by bit is just inimical. How is this supposed to help me? Most nights it ends in minor to moderate panic attacks, which means no sleep the rest of the night. This doesn't bode well for a 5:30 am wake-up time to drive to CD East and be an alert, responsible, pre-student teacher.
On top of that joy, I've been attempting to stay afloat in my five classes, pre-student teaching, and work. My chem professor is frustrating the crap out of me, methods is challenging, math is not my subject, Faulkner is....well....Faulkner, and I have stupid classmates in conservation.Pre-student teaching is really fun; this is definitely the profession that I want to be in, but the constant driving back and forth is really killing me...and my bank account. Stupid gas.
There are many times that I wish I could have the lives of some of my classmates...have my parents pay for all of my college, bills, housing, hell even gas (forrrrreals...this is the status of a friend of mine who claims he is "too stressed" and/or "too tired" to do things like attend class/meetings. This is the shit that makes my anxiety go, "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh"). But, I know that if my life were like that, I wouldn't be me. I think that my situation has made me more independent and self-sufficient than what I could have been. And while I didn't/don't care for the crappier parts of my life, I still appreciate that they are what they are. I think it's just the overwhelming combination of all of this. Throw in the TFA interview, prepping for Las Vegas, trying to pay off my surgery, and life in general (normal bills, boyfriend, social life?) and you have the perfect recipe for a mental catastrophe. I see that it's now 10:30....I should really get started on these papers I need to grade for Monday.
Public Safety Announcement: Remember to BREATHE
No comments:
Post a Comment